O levels in 15 days............
This is scary as hell.
I don't know if I could make it. I just don't know..

Need you now..

Boo texted me at 314am. But I was fast asleep then. I woke up to a guilty me for not being there for her when she needed me. She was always there when I needed her. What about me? :'( Sigh... I'm very very very very very very sorry.

Discovered the truth.

I finally know that your crush isn't me after all. I had a feeling that it wasn't me. You asked me who was my crush, I replied "for now, I dont have one". In reality, I was chatting with my crush. I hope you will know this one fine day. When the time is right, when I'm ready to guide you to Jannah, insya'Allah. I will always be your listening ear. You may not know this but....I will fight for any means to be there for you. I will always will. Ya Allah, please watch over her. Dont let her suffer in tears. I dont want to see her feeling sad and all. It makes me sad too to know that I can only do so much to comfort her. Please do Allah. I want to make her mine, before that, I want to change myself. Amin ya rabbal alamin.

Listening ear

I approached you on whatsapp, you only replied like 30 mins after. But during that gap, I was tweeting and channeling all my negative energy to twitter. When you replied, you thought that it was all for you. So you apologized to me. And I was like....what? Why? You did nothing wrong. Then you started explaining why. I told you that it wasn't meant for you. Instead I started pouring out my heart to you. You listened to me. You gave me a fruitful piece of advice. You managed to turn my frown upside down and I was really glad that you did it. I needed that, and I got it. Shukran. You really know how to make me smile again. A person that I could safe keep until the end of my life. Since you don't like to rush into relationships, I will do the same. If I'm right, then we'll continue to wait for each other until the right time comes. Amin. Thank you so much. Allah, please, watch over her.

So sweet for what.

Its been awhile since I last blogged. So here it is, hi. (: Anyway on 25 August went out to Vivo with Haru. He was looking for a marvel character plsuhie. He bought a Thor plushie, he wanted to find a Ironman one. Hahahaha but don't have. Out of stock. Awww so sad. So we took a bus from Vivo that we both don't have any knowledge of, bus 97 to town. Bcos we YOLO and not scared so we GO JE. Hahahahahahaha k. Anyway despite that journey that, we still couldn't find what he wanted. Haru had to leave and I had to go back home alone. Aww. :( But its okay. I took 502 from opp Milennia Tower hehehe long bus rides. <3 During the journey, I disturbed her on twitter telling that I'm in a bus ride. She was freaking jealous. Bwahahahaha. :P Oh!! At that moment she wished that she was in the same bus as me. Heheha awww that literally made me melttttttttttt....... Alahai she so sweet and cute lah please. :3 I told her maybe next time we can explore SG! She said "yay okay!" after my I'm done with my O levels. Hehehe can't wait for that day to come. Insya'Allah I won't screw things up. Amin! Oh Allah, I want her to be my wife, I really and sincerely do love her. Please watch over her till day she becomes mine. Amin ya rabbal 'alamin.

Dear Allah.

Ya Allah, its been ages since I last shed a tear on the praying mat while berdoa-ing to Allah SWT. I felt remorseful of my own past. I saw too much darkness in the old me. I need that guiding light from you, Allah. I need you. I did mentioned something about me starting a family of my own in the future in my prayers earlier. If its not me who is going to guide my future wife? WHO ELSE. Once I'm married to her, her sins will be my responsibility. My children's sins will be my responsibility. My own sins will be own responsibility. I have to answer for all that to the angels sent to interrogate me when I'm in the grave. I'm on my own in there. NO ONE is there to help. Just me, myself and I alone. Oh Allah, please strengthen my iman.

.........hi

Finally we've exchanged numbers. You were so cute to apologize to me that you saved my number wrongly. I wasn't mad at all at you. Instead, I was worried why you did not texted me that day. I didnt saw you in school. I searched high and low for you. But you were nowhere to be seen or maybe my sight was blinded or.......is it just me over-looked for you? Anyway, on I waited for you at the front school gate today. We met, I handed over the eraser that you wanted. Hehehe. OH!! You sent me a random good morning text to me. AWWWWWW I was really melting at that point of time. No girl has even done that. It has always been me sending girls good morning/night texts first. But you......you were DIFFERENT. For a moment, I thought I was in heaven. Words cant describe how elated I was! Hahaha. Unfortunately, when we met it was like "that awkward moment when..." moment. I dont know why. I tried to start a convo with you. I guess its our first time meeting each other, thats why we were like that? I hope this won't prolong. I wanna be with you. I really do... Biar Allah yang memperjodohkan kita. Amin.

Sigh.

Why is it that whenever someone pushes me away/I feel like someone is, I'll be extremely down like something has just shot me to the ground. Why? We're just mutual friends, nothing more than that. But I had to feel this way. It happens everytime. I HATE IT. I feel insecure. I feel fragile inside. I feel vulnerable. I feel........hopeless.

Sincerely, your crush.

I like you. I don't want to be in a relationship with you right now bcos I don't want to break your heart. I don't wish to see such things happen. But I want you. You are the one. I have a crush on you for like 2 years? THAT IS NO LONGER A CRUSH. I REALLY LOVE YOU. Only Allah knows my sincere intentions. You said that your heart is stolen by someone, you are waiting for that someone. I have a feeling that 99.99% that "someone" you are talking about is me. You are my type of girl, the type that really turns me on. I go for cute girls and not pretty girls. That cute girl is YOU. I wish that you know all these while, my tweets are ALL FOR YOU. I'm giving you hints. I tried to love another girl before, but I just can't seem to. My mind kept thinking about you, only you. Your smile, your attitude, your cute face EVERYTHING SINGLE cell of you, I'm in love with. I hope you'll realize this one day. Ya Allah, please make her strong, make her wait, increase her patience level. I wanna be your husband one day. Insya'Allah.

You are the one

I'm still uncertain of your feelings towards me. I'm not even sure whether you are referring to me or someone else. But something, deep inside of me is telling me that you are discreetly shouting my name in your heart. I have ever felt this certain of someone's feelings towards me before. I read your tweets, if its true you are referring to me, your love is pure and loyal. If everything I assumed is true, and we got into a relationship, I just hope that it will last till the day you become my lawful wedded wife. Amin insya'Allah. Ya Allah I really need your help. I need to be a better man/person/muslim first before guiding someone else. I must. Ya Allah ya pendengar, kau dengarkan lah rintihan hamba mu ini ya Allah. Aku perlukan petunjukmu.

Choices

I feel pity for you. I know I'm like giving you hopes on me. I am. Its just that I'm not ready to commit. Should I? But I have a national exam ahead of me. I dont know what to do. I feel like bringing you out on a date and explaining things clearly to you but, do I have the courage to do so? Still uncertain. For this year, as a retain student its either I date you or my books. Which is much more important, you or my grades? Honestly I dont know. I'm trying to balance both of you. But I doubt that I could. Ya Allah... I need help.

Knockout

Went to the library with Julia today after so long. Hahaha. I completed my Maths homework! Yay! Hmm we both complained that we got headaches. Hence, we went seperate ways once we  reached jp. I bought a 2 litre orange juice bottle and a tin chips to pamper myself. Anyway, I told myself that I'm gonna nap when I arrived home. BUT I went into a deep sleep instead. So here I am, just woke up from my 10 HR SLEEP. WOW. I feel so great! :D

Where have you been..

Where did you go? Its only been one day and I already missed talking to you. Sigh. Im so sorry for not listening to you. I shouldve come to school so that we could delightfully see each other. I wasnt feeling well that day. Ya Allah if I unintentionally did upset you, Im truly sorry. Dear Allah, I hope you will send my misses to her. Please come back. :'(

Hidden truth

I dont know whats your problem. I dont get whats your motive. Why are you even bringing me down? I've been PATIENT WITH YOU. And I still am. I just dont enjoy prolonging a fight. Its always ME who has to apologize when Im not in the wrong. WHY WHY. I still remembered you haul your fist onto my face TWICE. I did not retaliate. I stay cooled. Only giving you that vengeful stare in return. Im not sure if I can hold on much longer. I just hope we wont be in the same school in the future. You make look all innocent but deep inside youre just like a crocodile who have not been eating for years waiting for the right moment to attack your prey. You keep sulking whenever I dont include you when I go out bcos I just dont go out with you OKAY. YOU chose to live your social-less life, not mixing with others and YOU BLAME ME for all of your OWN DOINGS. FUCK YOU. Just 5 months to go and I hope I WILL NEVER SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN.